Friday, April 30
Whee, weekend's back again. Seems like a never-ending cycle of long weekdays and short weekends. Hehe. And God knows why. Gonna be a busy weekend though. Calli comp's tomorrow, plus the concert on Sunday. Not bad. Gonna be perked up.
Can't seem to write more.
Posted by Isabelle at 10:30 pm
Thursday, April 29
Yeah. Stayed home today. Was good anyway. It rained the whole day. Whew. Never had a good rest in a long time. Slacked a little. Did some work. Wrote some calligraphy. Played some piano. Went out a little to buy food. Yeah. Nothing fulfilling, but I felt better. More energised.
I think I can just almost take on the world.
Posted by Isabelle at 8:26 pm
Wednesday, April 28
Whoa. Shitty week. Ran another 8 rounds today though. Felt good about it. Was actualyl energetic, but came home very tired. Missed my bus-stop. Walked back home the long way. Still have homework to finish.
Don't feel like going school tomorrow.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:03 pm
Tuesday, April 27
Feeling damn tired.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:08 pm
Monday, April 26
Wa... Really siao today. Ran 10 rounds... 10 damn rounds... Of course not all at the same time lar... Hehe, but still... 7 before pe, 3 during pe... Wow... Not to mention all those station exercises I did. Major workout. Now major pig out on apples. Wahaha... I'm on a ball man.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:45 pm
Sunday, April 25
Yeah!! Went to church for the 2nd session ALONE, but it really felt good. I think I might just go on my own from now on... Hmm. Anyway, really had a good time, the pastor invited today was downright hilarious, and somehow his preaching method is similar to Pastor Prince... Hmm.
Met up with my classmates to catch a movie. Wanted Starsky and Hutch, but damn, no suitable timeslot, so went over to Bugis (mind you, we walked from Suntec to Bugis, through some unknown shortcut) and saw... 50 first dates. (Darn. Sophia's gonna kill me for this.) Nothing wrong, just that I had promised to watch it with her... Anyway, IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!! I laughed my whole way through, and Adam Sandler was so COMICAL!!! Arghh.... (Actually, I don't mind watching it one more time... Hehe... Adam Sandler's so cute! Just wanna pinch him in the face... Wahaha)
Posted by Isabelle at 10:10 pm
Saturday, April 24
Yeah, back from east coast from cycling, and damn tired. Had CG today over there, and not bad, but somehow I still feel a little isolated. But that's ok, since I'm fine with that. Yeah, wanna make more friends, but let's just take it step-by-step. And yes, I have to say that I click well with Kah Ming, really well, and just really feel good about that. =)
Posted by Isabelle at 10:37 pm
Friday, April 23
Yeah, came back so early today. One of my earliest these few weeks. I'm so glad. I miss home. Argh. Anyway, later going out to chomp chomp, and really looking forward to it. Whee!
Physics test just sucks. I can't count how many blanks I left out in the whole paper. Electricity sucks big time. I hate that topic. =|
But overall, the week's over, and I'm damn glad weekends coming.
Posted by Isabelle at 5:51 pm
Thursday, April 22
Wow, actually didn't update yesterday, but that's quite expected, since I'm suffering from the effects of exams. Did a chem test today, and wasn't really good, but at least I passed... Physics' tomorrow, and I haven't touched much. Die...
Posted by Isabelle at 8:12 pm
Tuesday, April 20
Wahaha... Never get in for Song Fest. Sianz. Expected.
Posted by Isabelle at 8:34 pm
Monday, April 19
Yeah, was dragged to go for the 4 x hundred relay, and damn did we get in. Sigh. Don't feel like running on Sports Day. Crap, and it's a sure lose case, since we are up against strong althetic people. (Sounds pessimistic, but I just don't wanna run). Anyway, came back shagged, and really don't feel like going school... Argh! You know that kind of feeling when you come home drained and sleepy, and just wanna go to bed? Yeah, I'm in that condition. Barely opened my eyes to update my blog, which I vowed to keep it daily updated (and will probably break that promise in about another month's time, give or take).
Hmm. Nothing actually today, it's Monday after all, so I'm all blue and everything. And haven't heard about the Song Fest audition, and pretty jittery about it. Me and Yani are quite pinning our hopes on it, but since we are up against strong competition, and we basically screwed up in our last audition... Well. We'll see.
Posted by Isabelle at 8:47 pm
Sunday, April 18
Had been writing again, this time I was so crazy I wrote throughout the night. Slept again at about two (And I had actually swore I wouldn't do that again the last night) Sigh. This really explains how come I'm mad. Just really decided to seat down, then type my way through the story. Finally finished it, and posted it up this morning. Accomplished. Now, if people would just review it... Hmm...
Posted by Isabelle at 9:31 am
Saturday, April 17
Wow, really slept late last night. Sometime like about 2 in the morning. Crap. I never NEVER sleep that late. Or at least I hope I never have to. So anyway, was talking on the phone with Ven all the way, and really just talked it out. Chatted on a lot of things that we hadn't really focused on before. Can't believe we had some much to say. Sometimes it's just this way, like you know you can just click so well with someone, and not at all with another. I mean, it's instincts isn't it? Based on your own character, you decide right there and then you just know you like the person. Or not. It depends.
For me, it was quite clear-cut. Either yes or no. Never maybe. I don't particularly like talking to people just to entertain them. Nah. Never been my style. Perhaps it's a little harsh, and I might just lose a friend or two, but I don't wanna cheat myself out of a good time with people I really can talk with. I know there weren't many in my life to begin with, but at least I know I have good friends out there waiting for me.
Am I getting more and more antisocial? I think I am, but at the same time, I'm gaining more friends every day. College, church, and also keeping in touch with my ex-class people. My gang and Fey. I think I'm losing contact with the Fey bunch, the way I see it, but to say the truth, I was never really in it. Just a sideliner. Hmm. My old gang, we rarely see each other, except maybe on birthdays, and I know that I don't really belong, because the minor cliques in the gang are sorta formed. I am qutie the oddball, alone in TPJC. Yeah.
Sounds like I've got not friends. I do, just that few that I hang around with. I can't say for sure we'll always remain good friends, but I know that our ties aren't that fragile. Not in the near future. I'd like to treasure them, so at least I remember them and keep in contact. Sure, I've got lotsa hi-bye friends. They are uncountable, but they aren't the same. They come and go. Some kinda passer-by. I never agreed on the impact they would make as if they had treaded on sand across, making footprints. They just leave your life.
I think I'm muttering nonsense.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:44 pm
Friday, April 16
WHHHHHEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!! Praise ye Lord!! We received our PW results today, and guess what? Our whole group got band 1s! Unbelievable! *screams* Never in a million years I would have thought of that man. The most shocking thing was that we are the only group in the whole school to get straight band 1s kay, and that was.... WOW!!!!!! Argh!!!!!!!!! *screams again*
Can't believe it, our class topped the school in our results, and we grabbed 8 band 1s out of 51 in the whole school. Fantastic work, and I'm really proud of my class. 03S19. Most of all, I just wanna praise Him for all these blessings. It's really a miracle. All the long we thought we wouldn't do so well, after that sickening PW report and Oral Presentation. Wow. We worked so hard at it. And Mrs Tay, really, if it weren't her constant pushing and nagging... Sigh. Those were the days.
Now, if miracles would once again happen at the end of the year?
Posted by Isabelle at 7:11 pm
Thursday, April 15
Unexpectedly a quiet week, except for that twange of disappointment I had when when auditioned for Song Fest. Otherwise, it's pretty boring, I must say. A week passes so quickly.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:47 pm
Wednesday, April 14
Wa. Just basically flunked my stats test lor. (singlish starts to seep in...) Crap lar, quite sianz, and don't really know what I'm supposed to do. Went for audition just now, then really screwed up, and I don't know if we can ever get in finals. Shit lar, my piano basically just screwed the whole song up lor, then they even cut us halfway. Damn them. Damn us. Damn me.
I guess I'm getting my mood swings again.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:00 pm
Tuesday, April 13
Damn. I'm gonna have this stupid darn sickening Stats test, and I can't figure out what the hell difference F(x) and f(x) is. Man, Normal distribution drives me sick. Continuous random variable too. Sigh. And what's Z ~ N(0,1)????!!!! Crap.
I hate statistics to the very core...
Posted by Isabelle at 7:22 pm
Monday, April 12
Wow... I actually have nothing to say today.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:03 pm
Sunday, April 11
Yet another spiritual path...
I don't know what happened to me, waking up so late. I mean, this is one of my record days I slept in. I even took another nap later on. Can't seem to understand why I was so tired all day.
So you know, I missed church, and decided to listen to Pastor Prince's tapes. It had renewed my faith in Him from feeling so down this week. I don't know, I did a lot of things I wouldn't have done this week. Blood donation was one thing. Yeah, miracles did happen. I know it. It took me a lot of courage to go forward and have my skin pierced by a needle. I was extremely afraid. Afraid of blood, afraid of pain, afraid of everything it emcompasses, all those antiseptic smells, the anaesthetic jab. In truth, I was really scared. But I know God brought me through this. And I survived a miracle. Really.
So how did I actually thought about donating blood? I don't know. Wednesday morning when I arrived in school, I saw my friend eating in the canteen in preparation to go for blood donation later on. My first thought was, "no way am I gonna do it". Serious. No way. But I did actually contemplate, but I was still far from the reality of going for that. I saw my friend go through though. It's easy to see people, but you can't really imagine yourself seated in her place. Especially for me. (I'm really timid, sad to say. But rather than act tough, why not let God shield your weakness?)
Wednesday night came the revelation. Suddenly, I just thought, "I have to go". It just overcame my fear. I didn't really feel afraid. All I thought was to go for it, see yourself through this process. I didn't feel afraid at all. At all. Really. I could almost picture myself on the metallic chair, blood flowing out of my veins. God was so subtle I didn't realise He was there.
Then came the hurdle. Thursday morning, I woke up with a bad stomach. It was acting up throughout the whole journey to school. I ended up pale from diarrhoea. My friends even advised me against the blood donation. Later my stomach cleared up a little, but unless I ate, I couldn't possibly go for the blood donation. Somemore I had Commando Lee for PE, and he's a sadist. Volleyball was never ending. I was so afraid it would eat up my recess. He had us controlling the ball for 6 times, and everyone just couldn't pass that test. Darn him, and I was so frustrated, until I managed (barely), to pass, and get out of his lesson, have a quick lunch. By that time, I was so tired, plus Chem test right after that, and I hadn't really studied. Even before half day, I was totally exhausted. How on earth am I to go through that blood donation? I must be crazy.
Chem test was er, quite a flop. But that wasn't important. I was going for that donation right after it, skipping F maths lect and GP. There and then, I started getting the nerves. Then, the thought of not going for it passed my mind. Somemore, I was going without my mother's knowledge. (I faked her signature. Oops.) I had a lot of excuses not to go, but ended at the hall anyway. I must have been mad. Really. Throughout the whole day, I was feeling weak. But I pulled through anyway. Seriously, I didn't think I could do this. But He was there for me. It was a miracle.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:12 pm
Saturday, April 10
Wow, got back from East Coast chilling out with food. Yeah, major man, like satay, sugar cane, stingray... Great time, and really impromtu. They called me like about 5, then decided that we should meet, and Ven got her car around, and we shot all the way down to East Coast. Mad. Didn't even think much, just like, *snaps finger*... We are really mad.
Oh yeah, went to watch Passion. Oh man, oh gosh. Can't say much, the movie itself tells everything. All the details, the gore, the emotions that it entails... I was so stunned. *blink back tears* Sigh. Really went through some spiritual roller coaster. Took me more than guts to watch the whole movie. Half the time I was covering my eyes with a windbreaker. (Ok, so I'm timid. What else is new?) But really, I can't bear to see the images, through I know it's all fake and it's just makeup, but... Yeah, you get the idea.
Posted by Isabelle at 11:48 pm
Friday, April 9
Slacky day I had, lazing around the house, eating stuff, playing PS and com. Basically had a day to buzz aimlessly, which is great, because I finally get to relax, and just let my brain go dead for one day. Nice huh? I'm the ultimate pig. I know, but I pretty much don't care. I mean, it's my choice. Wahaha.
Had the whole day to myself. So I'm an antisocial, but that's what an only child is good at -- being antisocial. Right? Talking to myself, building up an attitude problem and then looking pathetic. Great hobbies I have. Whee, but sad to say, I have to agree that I enjoy being alone. Not that I hate people around me, but just say that I need more personal space for myself. Maybe that's why you see that most of the only-childs have their own diareies, in whatever form. I'm more high-tech. I use the Blogger. (Actually, I just don't like writing. I prefer typing. Faster.)
Yeah. Solitude, maybe blaring the music a little, but it's still solitude.
Posted by Isabelle at 8:33 pm
Thursday, April 8
Really went for it man. Frightening trip I ever took, but the whole journey was exciting, if not for the nerves I got. Registration, BP and blood tests, including the jab on your finger in which they extracted out blood and drip it into copper(II) sulphate, watching that drop of blood sink to the bottom. Yeah. Blood test.
Then comes the real thing, and you hafta wait like half an hour for that. Long queue today, since it's the last day already. And that's when the nerves start to jam up. Damningly hard to sit in front of those people on the beds and watching blood rush out from their arms and into bags and bags of blood. Gross, but humane. (Am I contradicting here? You'd understand what I mean if you gone through that.)
Laid back against the metallic couch, and half anticipated the long long thick thick needle that would soon pierce through. But nah, they give you the anaesthetic jab first. Tingling feeling, but no big deal. Funny thing is that you don't feel the numbness, but when the real needle comes, you can't feel that either. It's really horrifying, and I didn't watch. V-shaped opening, about a few mm in diameter, and blood literally gushes out to fill the tube and the bag. Wow. No feeling. Really. It's actually painless, but I actually had the guts to volunteer for it.
I now have a bag of my own blood in the blood bank. So miracles do happen sometimes.
Posted by Isabelle at 10:27 pm
Wednesday, April 7
Sigh, tomorrow really going for blood donation. Somehow got convinced that I have the duty to go for that, and I wonder if I am gonna faint at the sight of my blood. Hmm... Really don't know what got over me. I must be insane.
Posted by Isabelle at 11:29 pm
Hmm... song's working out pretty well. I'm taking the piano, my friend's strumming a few chords along, and ta-da, a song. Duh. Audition's next week. Wonder if we'll ever get through this... Lol.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:10 pm
Tuesday, April 6
Finally decided on singing Backstreets' "How did I Fall In Love With You?" Great man, we have the song, the accompaniment (me lar, who else? lol), and great vocalists (my friends I mean). Try our luck lar, and see what happens, who knows? Hehe... Quite impossible, but just go for the passion of singing lar... Crap... Hehe.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:34 pm
Monday, April 5
Can't believe it, but I'm actually trying out for Song Fest. Not alone of course, with some other enthu people. Drat, now currently swamped under by piles of scores, waiting for me to choose which one to play. I mean, I'm not cut out for this. KTV lounges, bathrooms, maybe, but live stage performances? You gotta be kidding. Sigh.
Posted by Isabelle at 7:57 pm
Sunday, April 4
Feeling very spiritual today, even though I didn't go church. Not that it mattered, but yes, there's always this guilt that lingers around it. I oughta clear that doubt away, because deep down I just know that He wouldn't blame me. (I told you I was feeling spiritual...)
Anyway, just felt like walking down memory lane, and realised a lot of things that I often took it for granted, labelled it as by chance, or simply shrugged it away. I admit that I had never been so connected during those times when I attended sunday school as a child. I was a regular goer, sorta forced or something, but yes, I was a regular goer anyhow. But I was basically just a person. Just someone out in the open, amidst everyone else.
Eventually, I didn't go back. No sense of belonging anyway. I couldn't fit in. Instinctively, I know it wasn't the church for me, because I dreaded going back. Because every sunday I would force myself to sleep in, and miss the ride down with my grandparents. Sad huh? Yeah, people would say that I'm not the devoted kind, but who cares about their comments? I rather face those subtle insults than fake the staunced christian. I mean, it's no use proving to people when you yourself lies to God. I can't stand it.
The pastor kept hounding me until now, even when I made clear that I am currently attending New Creation Church. Just refused to let go, repeatedly persuades me to go back, attend service, serve as pianist during worship. Nah. Can't make myself do that. Gave me the hollow feeling that I now finally recognised. I know I am still somewhat empty, but at least I know that I'm gradually filling up. I'd never survive in my old church. The people there gave me the creeps even until now.
Somehow, I was born with the instinct of knowing who's more true. I can tell when a person deeply dislikes me but is forced to smile at me. The feeling's totally different. Maybe I'm just more sensitive, but all I can feel when I was back at the old church was that. The tingling chill in the bones. I can't say that I don't feel any of it in my present one, but at least it isn't as frightening as before. I still don't know many people, but yes, I'm making improvement, and I'm trying to attend regularly. I know sometimes I get lazy, or work just simply refuses to budge, but yeah, I know I want to attend.
I'll probably never become the staunched devotee most of my church friends are, but I know that the Lord exists within me. That's all I need to know. That He loves me dearly.
Posted by Isabelle at 9:44 pm
Ye zi de li kai, shi ying wei feng de zui qiu, hai shi shu de bu wan liu...
Posted by Isabelle at 5:34 pm
Saturday, April 3
Whew. Came back from Xinmin with all those grime and sweat from pigging out under the sun, eating hotdogs and whatnots. Didn't expect that many people to turn up though, and it was jammed pack filled with people. I know this year it's major scale, but I didn't expect it to be like, wow, MAJOR. Saw a lot of people I know, then a lot more people I don't know, and yeah, teachers too, though this year I was on very low profile. Didn't really interacted a lot, just stuck around like some kind of unknown stranger. Hmm. So, I didn't really have much obligations to fulfil, like buying tons of food from people I hardly knew. Quite tiring actually, but even more when you hung around for the whole day not knowing what to do. Yeah.
Actually planned to stay for the whole thing, including packing up and whatever, but was really feeling bad, partly because I was tired, and also because I was stoning for darn too long. I wouldn't mind if there was a promised chomp chomp later, but nope, chances of that was slim. And my attitude was acting up. Didn't want to be around when I start to become antisocial. And Xin wasn't there either. Sigh. Reasons for not staying. I was just starting to feel numb, which isn't a good sign.
Came back dinnerless, but that wasn't bad actually, and munched a little on fruits. Basically cooped myself reading, and music. Feeling darn antisocial. Better have an earlier sleep tonight. Headache acting up.
Posted by Isabelle at 10:03 pm
Friday, April 2
Yeah! Reviews... Never so glad I got something back from all those hard work done, so really, it's God's blessing, and hopefully more comes rolling in. =) But curse the site, because recently it's been lagging, and I don't know what the heck they are doing with it. Grrr.... Sigh. What can I do?
Wow, came home real early, and actually reached home by 3 something for the first time in countless months. So happy, and went to sleep. Real piggy, but I was damned tired out by the last week's late sleeping and early waking. Woke up around 7 to take dinner, and decided I should check on my mails, which I was doing just before. Really have to love fridays afternoons when there are no bugging s paper tutorials to go for. =)
Yeah, tomorrow's Homecoming, and can't wait to go back, though I wonder how people are gonna change. Two years does make a difference, ya know. Saw a lot of Xinmin people on the way home on 88, and realised that there were none I knew. Pitiful, but yeah. Never mind, I'm still gonna enjoy tomorrow... Hehe...
Posted by Isabelle at 8:25 pm
Thursday, April 1
Yea, homecoming's in two days' time, and basically to me, I can't really say much, but it's nostalgia all over again. Old school, but sickening new compound, old friends, juniors that somehow grew up while I was away... All sorts of things, in two years. Man, where did the times go?
Didn't hear much about prize presentation though. To me, that's just a side dish. Never received anything from it anyway. Not that I'm eating sour grapes, but I just... Hmm. Perhaps lar, but doesn't really change matters much. I'm still myself, and I'm still going on fine. No prize wouldn't kill me. Anyway, the school's biased against some people, and I'm glad for those who won, curse those winners that don't deserve their prizes, and feel for those deserving few but was shortlisted. Saddening huh? But that's life. Take it or leave it. There's nothing you can do otherwise.
I wonder if this year people would still remember me. Ole lil' me that graduated two years ago. Nothing doing, but just felt very old, and feeling somehow very forgotten. I can't blame people, but yeah. It's just one of those phases in life you can't flush it out of your systems just like that.
Posted by Isabelle at 10:23 pm
Yeah, got back, sweaty and filthy from volleyball... (Yes, volleyball. Ugh.) But my mind was on the com already, so picture me wet, slicked down my back, and dripping drops of perspiration everywhere. No lar... Lol, I already changed, but still sticky. Sigh, whatever.
Had the honour, whatsoever you call it, to be tricked by that stupid June Yong into boarding the bus that didn't actually go to the interchange. And he had the cheek to tell me don't know how many bus-stops later. Oh fine, so it's April fools', but I didn't do anything to him, though we wanted to... (Hehe, long story) Anyway, he tricked both Huiling and I up the bus to god knows where, but finally I had the decency to get down and change bus. Sigh. Took me a million years to get home. I wonder where I would wind up if he didn't tell me... Imagine this, the headline next day, "Girls abducted by classmate!"... Oh fine... Cut the crap.
Anyway, finally received the chapter from Marty, and finally got it up on site, and I'm hoping for some reviews out there. Wonder if people would bother to read, but what the hell... Wasn't really looking for that. Just whether I can finish the story.
Posted by Isabelle at 5:37 pm